To Fall,without intention.

And look to the light.

Last week I happened to again watch the amazing footage of the vacuum and gravity Bowling ball v feathers and however many times I watch it, my cogs start turning in my head. That drop, the whole idea of falling in dreams and the idea of floating down rather than the terminal velocity laws and for some reason the whole falling theme intrigues me. When I was about 14 I listened to the track suicide ? by Barclays James Harvest.The completely bizarre sounds of a journey (Which is all I will say, give it a listen Headphones on).

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=bzHPK656TcI&si=RE-aFnwG1Mcizuat

However it has stuck with me all my life, but to be honest it was in some strange way a comfort to me.

Going back to the board as we step off into the known distance of the pool below us, it seems inevitable we are going to hit water ,but are we ? We presume its straight down but lets be honest both in life and in the world of most of us here thats without doubt easier said than done. but thats it the choices and the effects start to kick in. None of us are programmed to fall intentially in-fact babies up to 7months and onwards have shown no fear of falling they appear to even back off from a drop possibly more the optical system is telling them something is wrong as research has taught me , my own son infact climbed a ladder at 3 years of age to a nerve shattering height and as cool as a cucumber waved to a builder who at that moment I presume by now was crying inside for not securing the site area - all ended safely.But for many its not just the physicallity of falling but the mentallity of falling for ourselves and those around us that we need to understand by learning through experience and hopefully provide safegaurds to protect both us and them.But strangly we constantly see people from both celebrity status falling either because they refuse help from around them, or the person on the street begging but when often given help or assistance misusing it and continuing their fall to private oblivion,surely there must be someway of breaking that fall, the suffering for them and the pain of watching it happen is at times for myself and I am sure yourself mentally agonising. Prevention in even todays modern and more mindful society seems to struggle with implementing and then improving this as we watch children implode and descend at increasingly younger ages.

I fell from a tree when a boy of 13, still have a small scar to prove it but the memory still spins in my head to this day.Being Robin hood was easy I had all his skills in an instant and as I climbed the tree to get a better view of the Sheriff of Nottingham and his not so merry men my skill set failed me.I did not see my life flash before my eyes more a spinning around me, for me it was more a vortex and what seemed a long uncontrolled spin until darkness ,complete darkness until my sisters unsympathetic voice said he’s alive ! I guess it felt a long way but the spinning has stayed with me.However had my skills actually failed me or was it simply my naivety and imagination had again got the better of me ?

So I started thinking falling , like failing is as much about the grounding and the learning we have prior to are ascent as we climb onto the diving board of life.

I have spent a long 58 years climbing and thankfully at this point of descent I have found some very strong air filled armour in this fall with me . I have fallen to great depths in my own personal life, you could say on the stairs to the diving board, but finally for the first time I am ready to hit the water unlike any other time in my life. As I fall this time instead of a vortex I see a pool of challenge but not impossibilitys. I feel the presence of an oppurtunity to learn and a profound sense of pushing through each challenge with a new understanding that in my life of Sobriety can be achieved.

If you are still climbing or ready to plunge in do not fear falling back or leaping forward to failing, be assured we can and will rise up to the surface again and again, for some a little floundering and it may feel like something is constantly pulling you down but this time by using the tools of knowledge to manage and then cope,Hopefully we can build ourselves in a much more solid and constucted way. And with that lets feel the water embace and then consume us as we prepare for all that we face in the deep end.

Tim Taylor